odd thoughts and no lj cut in sight :p

had a friend tell me to think of what i saw in the future. and i realized i didn't have any thoughts on that. at all. my thoughts pretty much didn't think of time existing after this moment. so i'm plotting it now. hoping to move out around janruary to march ish. thought about doin it in december but i think i'll be realistic. heh that and if i do it around then i can rape the spirit of christmas for house stuff. oh yeah santa. who's your daddy. ^_^ i need to go through all the shit in my room today and FINALLY throw shit away. i still have papers from highschool... and a few from elementary. though i'll keep those. cuz they're memento type thingies. may want to invest in a scrap book in the future. lucas' idea of the memory book is a great one. i still miss canada but its mostly bittersweet now. i screwed up royally with them. *shrugs* no worries. just have to learn from my mistakes and hope they are doing okay. i hope sam will take good care of him for me. dunno where eri is though. and he apparantly wants it that way. sucks. but i screwed up with him as well. i was too scared to do much of anything. did a job interview with kohl's hope they hire me ^_^ need to reapply at cvs and stuff though. may even apply at hell-mart but i doubt it. i also need to apply at the beverage mart cuz that would be cool ^_^ i just have to manage to get there early. maybe i should try for a saturday. must talk with nakita to plot it out. who hopefully won't flay me on sight since i went out of contact saturday. relationship wise i screwed up with him as well. though we DO make awesome friends. he was right the first time when he said we made better friends then lovers. miss massaging his back with lotion though ^_^ i just need to get better with my communication skills. i can tell random people i've broken a vibrator but i can't tell my bf that i'm bothered by something. there is something off with my scale of talkativeness. granted i KNOW i overreact. so i just sit on it and i calm down and realize like i thought during the overreaction that i was bein silly. what IS odd though is that i can feel the strands of everyone i know right now. just threads coming from my soul. its a nice feeling. that lack of "alone" so i shall see if i can learn better control. need to call a couple of friends and see whats up. my friend chris has been kinda blah lately. nothing i can discuss since its not my business, nothing uber bad though just blah. so i may see if he can be rescued so i can help cheer him up. i can still feel the pressure. but now i feel like i can bitchsmack it out of my way if i had to. i don't want a curl up into a ball and pray for oblivion anymore. hat was me before i was reforged by pain. ^_^ now i just have a hard time controlling my temper. ~_~ especially when cute bois wake me up when i want to stay asleep. well hugs to you all and i hope dreams come true(the non nightmare ones)
~votre folie de limite

P.S=> no linear thoughts for you :p